


I Need to Rent a Kid

by Joylee



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluffapalooza, proto-Rumbelle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-27 06:25:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17761526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joylee/pseuds/Joylee
Summary: Belle lied in her job interview.  Now she  needs to rent a kid for Bring Your Child to Work day.





	1. Emergency Help Wanted

Emergency Help Wanted

> I lied when I got my job. I told them I had a kid so I would not have to stay late and come in on weekends to cover for all the parents who have to take off early to pick up the kids from daycare, take them to Doctor’s appointments and parent teacher conferences. Then I used his being sick as an excuse when I needed a few days off work for a side project. Long story short, I’m in too deep. I didn’t think it through. Looking to rent a kid for bring your child to work day. Must be a boy six to eight years old with curly brown hair who plays soccer; essentially he has to look like the stock photo in the frame on my desk. Also must be artistic as the macaroni noodle drawings I made seem a little advanced for someone his age. He also needs to respond to ‘My little Nee Nee’ as that’s what his Dad and I call him. I will pay extra for someone to play the role of my ex when dropping him off. His name is Bertram, ‘Rum’ to his friends, and he’s a defense lawyer who’s always bringing his work home. You know what, just message me for details, serious inquiries only.

 

Belle shook out her umbrella as she entered Peet’s. Using it had been pointless. The wind had blown the rain under it and whipped at her hair. So much for making a good impression.

Glancing around she tried to spot the people she was meeting. There were a couple of tables with kids. Only one looked remotely the right age and he was sandwiched between an older and younger girl. Bae had not said anything about sisters. Still she approached the table. “Mr. Gold?”

The man looked up from his paper. And leered. “No, but I guarantee you I’d be a lot more fun.”

The older girl rolled her eyes. “ _Uncle Victor,_ you promised!”

Causing her uncle to shrug and say. “Hey, she came on to me.”

Belle backed away muttering, “Sorry to bother you.”

She should have known this would be a bust. But she was desperate enough to try nearly anything at this point. 

Might as well get herself a cup of tea before braving the weather again. And some banana bread. When they fired her next week she would not be able to afford luxuries. 

She was stirring her tea waiting for it to cool and contemplating how she was going to look for work without a reference from her current employer when her thoughts were interrupted. “Pardon me. Are you ‘Belle’?”

“Yes. Yes, I am. Are you, Mr. Gold?” Belle glanced up to find a small man, exceptionally well dressed, leaning on a cane, looking down at her suspiciously.

“I am.” The accent was Scottish. He looked her over.

“Please sit.” She waved at the chair across from her. “I was expecting Bae to be with you.”

“Yes, because I’d bring my son to meet some strange woman he found on the internet who could very well be grooming him.” Mr. Gold did take a seat despite his snark. “You’re lucky to get me, Dearie. If it weren’t for the fact I’ve taught Bae that standing up a business appointment is the height of rudeness, you’d be on your own.”

She could hardly blame him for his suspicions. “I actually expected to hear from a parent when I placed the ad. I was surprised when Bae responded himself.”

“But you kept up the correspondence.” 

“Well, yes.” She admitted. “His was the only response I got that was remotely credible. I presumed you were all right with him emailing me.

“Although now that I think about it he never actually said that.” She frowned, taking in the man’s very well tailored suit and expensive watch. “I also got the impression that… money was tight. Which I assumed was the reason he answered the ad.”

Mr. Gold closed his eyes briefly and sighed deeply. “Yes. I reviewed the email exchange. In his defense, Bae never actually lied. He did, however, manage to create an impression that was no where near accurate.”

“He said he wanted the money because he had to pay for his own laptop.” This man could clearly afford any number of laptops.

“I was trying to teach him _financial responsibility_.” Gold sounded defensive. “He has a perfectly good laptop. He just wants a new one so some game he has will run faster. I told him if he felt he needed a new laptop before his birthday he would have to pay for it himself.

“I thought saving up his pocket money and getting paid for little chores would give him a better idea of the value of work.” Gold continued. “I did not expect him to hunt through Craig’s List for such a... creative solution.

“And more to the point, I was not aware he was emailing you until this morning at breakfast when he announced we had a meeting scheduled with you.”

“Oh.” She could imagine how that must look to the parent of a young child. “Uhm, I can provide references. I’m not some crazy stalker lady.”

“You’ll forgive me if I’m a little dubious about that claim given what you wrote Bae.” Mr. Gold said. “Why would you set up this elaborate story?” 

“It didn’t start out elaborate.” Belle defended herself. “When I got hired it was only suppose to be a three month contract. I was just so tired of always being the one who got stuck staying late and coming in weekends because I was single with no kids, that when they asked in the interview if I’d be available for extra hours I fibbed. I said I couldn’t always because I was in a joint custody arrangement.

“But my supervisor is really noisy and started asking questions about my kid.” Belle explained. “Specific questions. So I had to cover for the first lie and before I knew it I had this whole imaginary life.”

“And they never caught you out?”

Belle shrugged, “I’m a trained archivist and librarian. Details are my thing. It didn’t become an issue until they came up with this bring your kid to work day and I suddenly had to actually produce a real live boy.”

Mr. Gold was shaking his head. “It’s your own fault, Dearie. You should not have lied. The time you took off was stealing from your employer.” 

Belle had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. “I work more than enough extra hours to more than cover any time I took off. And it’s unfair of my employer to expect me to be at their beck and call twenty four seven.”

“You could just decline to work the extra hours.” 

Snorting, Belle responded. “Maybe _you_ could ‘decline’ to work the extra hours, Mister I’m Wearing a Suit that Cost More than Your Car. For those of us at the bottom of the pecking order not agreeing to work extra hours gets you fired. I’ve got student loans. I need this job.” 

That made him smile a bit despite himself. “I doubt this suit cost more than your car.”

“It’s a 2001 Geo. Don’t be so sure.”

“Be that as it may, I’ve tried very hard to inculcate honesty into my son. This is not the sort of example I want to set for him. So I’m afraid you will need to look elsewhere for your fellow con artists.” Gold stood clearly preparing to leave.

“I suppose you’ve always been completely honest with your employer?” Belle snapped.

“Well, I generally try to be.” He grinned slightly. “However, my name is the one on the door, so it’s more than possible I’m not always successful in not deceiving myself.”

His voice became less harsh. “I am sorry for your predicament, Belle. But I have to do what’s right for Bae here. And no matter how justified your deception, I don’t want Bae getting the idea he can lie his way out of trouble.”

She could understand his position. “Thanks at least for coming.”

“Good luck, Dearie.” He said. “Maybe things aren’t as dire as you think. Frankly if I found that one of my people had pulled this kind of deception, I’d take it as an indication that we needed to take a hard look at our time management practices and staffing levels.”

“Charming Inc is no where near that introspective.” Belle told him. “Not to mention they believe their own hype about being a ‘family friendly’ company.” 

Gold snorted. “Unless it means money out of their pocket. You’re right. Charming will have you out on your ear. Leo’s level of hypocrisy is truly breath taking.”

As she watched him leave Belle stewed over the fact that he apparently knew the company’s CEO well enough to use his first name. She might just have made her situation worse, if Mr. Gold decided to tell Mr. Blanchard about her little deception over cigars at their club (with a suit like that he had to have a club) she was dead meat.


	2. A Deal Can Be Made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A counter proposal is made.

Since she was still employed two days later Belle assumed Mr. Gold had not tipped off the CEO. She was still trying to come up with a plan that would let her job survive bring your child to work day. The best she had been able to come up with was to have young Neal suddenly fall ill the morning she was suppose to bring him to work. At minimum that might buy her enough time to find another job before the hammer dropped. 

Then her phone pinged with an email on her private account. A quick glance showed a subject line ‘References?’ from AGold@GoldandAsso.com.

After locking herself in the toilet for privacy, she brought up the email.

_Dear Ms. French,  
If you are still interested in having Bae accompany you to your Take Your Child to Work day I have reconsidered my position. I would be prepared to discuss the possibility after a review of your references and a background check._

“Yes!” Quickly Belle typed in all the information that Gold was asking for before he had a chance to change his mind. She paused briefly before hitting send. If Gold wanted to steal her identity she was handing it to him on a platter. His disapproval of her deception had a distinct ‘he doth protest too much’ feel to it. 

Well, if he wanted the identity of a Green Card holder with a six figure student loan and whose only asset was an eighteen year old car he was more than welcome to it.

Gold did not waste any time checking her references. Jefferson called her that night. “Your Mr. Gold is a very suspicious man. He insisted in checking me out as well as you to be sure we weren’t in league together. The good news is he seemed favorably impressed by how good you are with Gracie.”

 

A day later found her back at Peet’s where a text from Gold had asked if she would meet with him again. 

And once again he managed to startle her dropping into the chair across from her and asking. “How do you feel about paintball?” 

As an opening it seemed a bit of a non sequitur. “Well, I’ve never done it, but I don’t have anything against it.”

Gold nodded. “I’m still not willing to allow Bae to profit from this deception of yours, but I might, and I emphasize _might_ be prepared to allow this to go forward as a quid pro quo arrangement.”

“And the quo would be paintball?” 

“In part. Bae’s class is having a paintball outing for Parents’ Day. Chasing a bunch of nine year olds around in the woods is not really something I can manage.” He gestured toward his leg. “I suggested getting one of my younger associates to take him instead but… well Bae’s developed a bit of a fascination with you from your correspondence with him.” 

Gold sighed. “And the lack of other options brought up questions about our family that had I had a choice I probably would have avoided indefinitely. 

“Bae doesn’t have a mother. Milah left when he was an infant and never bothered to look back.” Gold paused. “Her lack of interest in him is partially my fault. When she left I immediately got a Court Order awarding me full custody. But in my defense I did it because I only found out she had left when the day care called me and said if someone didn’t pick Bae up in the next ten minutes they were calling Child Protective Services.”

He paused again. Then he went on slowly. “No that wasn’t the only reason. I never knew my own mother. She left before I could remember her.

“Or at least that’s what my father told me.” His voice took on a bitter edge. “So I may have over reacted slightly when Bae’s mother decided to take off with her lover without leaving so much as a note.”

This was clearly a touchy issue with him. Belle felt obliged to say something. “That’s rather understandable.”

“To you. Bae only knows that his mother hasn’t been around at any point he can remember.” Gold went on. “I hadn’t realized he felt the lack, until he threw a fuss when I told him he couldn’t do your take your child to work day.

“Apparently he saw your proposal as a way for him to have a mother if only for a day.” Gold said. “And it’s so important to him that my normally ebullient son actually broke down in tears.”

Belle felt terrible. “Oh, no. I didn’t mean to upset him.”

“Much as I’d like to blame you, Bae’s desire to have a mother apparently predates your ad.” Gold told her. “As I said, this triggered a rather long discussion about our family history. I was able to convince him that Milah petitioning to terminate her parental rights was on me rather than him.”

“Didn’t you let her see him?” He seemed like a good father, but keeping the boy from his mother was terrible.

“Rather the contrary.” Gold said. “Apparently she viewed my calling to remind her she had a scheduled visitation as ‘harassment’ and when the Judge wasn’t buying her request for a Restraining Order against me, she decided to be shot of the both of us.”

Belle was appalled. “That may not be such a bad thing. Better no mother than a bad one.”

“I agree otherwise I’d no have let her do it.” Gold went on dryly. “Which led to the rest of the discussion I had with Bae about family history and why I wasn’t about to let him participate in a lie for money.”

He pursed his lips. “I would very much prefer what I’m about to tell you be kept in confidence.”

“Hey, you’ve got enough on me to get me sacked and probably blackballed from my profession.” Belle said. “I’d say this is a ‘mutually assured destruction’ situation.”

“True.” Gold looked more at ease. “My father is a con artist. And he’s crap at it. He spent most of my childhood as a ‘guest of her Majesty’. Hell, he’s in prison in Denmark right now.”

“Oh.” His protesting suddenly did not seem quite so over the top. 

“Precisely.” Gold said dryly. “So you can understand why I did not take to the idea of Bae participating in your little deception.” 

“Yeah.” Belle understood all too well. “So why are we here?”

“Because as I said, my son apparently feels the lack of a mother, and you, Dearie, badly need a son if you’re going to keep your job and avoid possible prosecution for fraud.” Gold told her. “While I won’t let Bae take part in such a fraud, if you agreed to… let’s call it a trial period, of being a maternal figure in Bae’s life, with the idea that if it worked out on both sides you would continue in that role, your deception would become true.”

That was _not_ what she was expecting. “Uhm, exactly what are you proposing here?”

“I’m not _proposing_.” Gold told her. “I’ve neither the time nor the inclination to find Bae a substitute mother in the usual way. But when my father went to prison, I was taken in by two of the kindest, most loving women in the world. No one could have asked for better parents. Unfortunately they died before Bae was born or we wouldn’t have this problem.

“And I learned from my Aunts that families can be chosen as well as born. Bae has taken quite a fancy to you. Based on your email exchange you seemed to like him as well. Perhaps we can turn your deception into something good for both of you.” 

“What is it you do for a living, Mr. Gold?” Belle asked.

“I’m a lawyer. Specializing in alternate dispute resolution. Why?” 

“Because the last time someone made me a pitch like this I ended up with a 2001 Geo.” 

Gold grinned. It was a rather nice grin and made him look years younger. “I’m renown for my closings. When two people each have something the other wants a deal can always be made.”

This was not what she had in mind when she posted the ad. But it would solve her problem. “A three month ‘trial period’? Where I… what were you thinking? Something like a visitation schedule?”

“Well, I’d want the first… meetings to be under my supervision, but yes, you could take him to the park or a movie. Just spend time with him.” Gold added quickly. “I would, of course, cover any out of pocket expenses you might have. Charming Inc is woefully underpaying you given your qualifications. I’m surprised you’re fighting so hard to hang onto this job.”

“Jobs for archivists are few and far between.” A reminder which made up her mind. She put out her hand. “You have a deal, Mr. Gold.”


End file.
